A year or two ago while on my way to a friend’s house, I passed by a church that had a sign outside of it reading “Be happy with what you have, but never with what you are.” While the person who posted this phrase may have meant for it to speak out to reckless drivers and drug dealers, when I saw it, I couldn’t help but think of the fact that the church was located just down the road from a gay bar. Yet regardless of whom this message was intended to reach, the general idea of it seemed to be that everyone should be content with their situation, no matter how bleak it may be, yet they should constantly criticize themselves, even if they are decent, successful people.
The idea that everyone should strive for perfection even though no one will ever reach it is everywhere. Parents who don’t take out the time to help their kids with their homework often still expect their children to get straight As. The media dictates to young women that in order to be beautiful, they have to have the perfect face and perfect body even though no one can really control the shape of their nose or the size of their breasts. And people who hope to succeed in art, writing, or music are often told that they have to work extra hard if they ever hope to catch up to others who were born talented in those areas. Maybe some people think that these pressures will challenge people to work harder, but instead, they only seems to lead to nervous breakdowns, cosmetic surgery, and hopelessness.
The concept of unachievable perfection can easily destroy people’s happiness in everyday life. For example, if someone takes on a hobby like painting or woodworking but is too obsessed with the idea that everything they make has to turn out exactly the way they hoped it would, this can be frustrating and take any enjoyment or relaxation out of their hobby. Additionally, when people have such high expectations of themselves, they often start to expect every situation to go the way they want it to as well. This kind of frame of mind can make all kinds of life situations (deaths, illness, break ups, losing a job, etc.) harder than they have to be.
While I still don’t know for sure what that church was trying to promote by leaving that message up on the sign, what I do know is that if psychologists wonder why depression, low self-esteem, and suicide are so abundant in our society, they have no farther to look than all the various people, places, and things that claim that no one, no matter how perfect they may be, should be happy being who they are.
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I am torn on this subject. I can see how perfectionism would lead to problems, both in terms of people expecting perfection of others and in terms of people striving for perfection in themselves. In the first case, the people will be disappointed because no one will ever be able to meet their expectations. On the other hand, expecting perfection in oneself will likely lead to one feeling depressed because of their imperfection or turn them into punctilious, anal nut bags.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I happen to be both extremely punctilious and an anal nut bag. A hand-writing analyst confirms this. (I burn holes in paper trying to make letters perfectly straight. If you see wisps of smoke near me, you’re not imaging it. ) Yet, my perfectionist tendencies cause me little problems, other than the fact that I waste a lot of time (and paper). I am happy as an oyster’s hinge--I don’t like the knees of bees.
That said, it is hard to say how much my happiness is the result of my perfectionism and how much is the result of my amazing personality. I also hold the title “most easily amused person in the universe.” A huge accomplishment indeed.
This leads me to conclude that perfectionists who do not have infectious personalities and short attention spans will oftentimes suffer from low self-esteems and inferiority complexes. So, if you can’t be as fortunate as I am, you will probably be better off accepting yourself for who you are, flaws and all.
* Despite what some people might say, ignorance is just a polite term for stupidity. Arrogance, arrogance is bliss.
To add to what I said earlier. I feel that if a person wants to be a perfectionist, that's their prerogative. However, I agree with Bethany that no one should try to make people think that they need to be perfect to have worth. Perfection is not possible; expecting perfection is futile because it is a goal no one will ever be able to reach. Acceptance and tolerance should be promoted above perfection.
ReplyDeleteCorrection: If you're reading this and think you see anything related to bees and /or knees, you're hallucinating. It actually says "clams have no reason to be happy--they're just second grade oysters. While better than clams, the only part of the oyster that has a reason to be happy is the hinge because that's what makes the oyster. Without it, all you'd have is two lonesome halves without a mate. Logic.
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